Super State

One of the most important skills that anyone can have in life is people skills. Indeed, because life consists of a series of interwoven personal relationships, the ability to communicate effectively, empathize genuinely, and build solid relationships with other people can often mean the difference between success and failure in life.

Thus, people all over the world purchase books and instructional DVDs, and attend training courses, seminars, and workshops, all dedicated to the art of obtaining people skills, in hopes that once this precious skill is obtained, the whole world will open up to them. And in a sense, if you master this skill, the whole world will indeed open up to you, you will find yourself presented with opportunities you never thought existed, and your relationships will blossom in a way you couldn’t have imagined.

However, obtaining this skill is not as difficult as it sounds. In fact, there’s one thing you can start doing right away, if you haven’t already been doing it, that will help dramatically improve your dealings with other people, with limited effort on your part. Once you do this, you can often get people to do what you want them to do (of course, provided that it is in both of your best interests).

The answer to this riddle, and many of life’s problems, is kindness. Yes, by showing kindness to people, not only will your relationships improve, but you can often get people to do what you want. Let me give you a quick example. Several weeks ago, as I entered the subway, on a hot, humid, day, tired after a day of work, and carrying a laptop bag and several other bags with me, I was somewhat dreading the thought of the baggage check, as I wanted to get home as quickly as possible. However, before I could do that, I would have to line up behind everyone else, deposit all of my bags into the baggage scanner, and then wait as they came out. Admittedly, this is not a big deal at all, but the biggest reason I wasn’t looking forward to the baggage check was because of the attendants, who are usually rude and/or insensitive.

As I marched forward to the baggage scanner after waiting in line, my head down, weary from a long day of work, I glanced up momentarily and from the corner of my eye observed a sight I had not seen before. As beads of sweat trickled down my forehead, I noticed the attendant standing next to the baggage scanner, smiling. No, he wasn’t smiling out of duty. This was a genuine smile, and he was looking right at me. A man in his 50s, he radiated positivity and kindness, and addressed me in a way I wasn’t used to, at least on the subway. “Hello, sir. If you would be so kind as to place your bags in the scanner, I would really appreciate it,” he said.

Just then, any weariness or negativity I may have had evaporated. Additionally, any objection I might have brought forward to placing my bags in the scanner was gone in an instant. I smiled back at the man, placed all of my bags in the scanner, and patiently waited for them to come out the other side. As I picked up my bags, I turned around and looked back at the attendant. He was addressing each and every single person as kindly as he addressed me. I was utterly amazed at what just took place, and I was reminded once again of this fact: being kind to people significantly increases the likelihood that they will be cooperative and do what you want them to do.

A simple act of kindness on the part of the station attendant not only helped elevate my state, but it also got me to very willingly do what he wanted me to do: place my bags in the scanner. I could certainly have taken my chances and just walked by without getting my bags scanned, as many people do (since this does not seem to be enforced all the time), but the man’s kindness made me cooperate with him. Because he made my life easier by respecting me and being kind to me, I made his life easier by respecting him and helping him do his job.

Now, being kind doesn’t guarantee that things will turn out a certain way, or that you will achieve an expected outcome, or that people will be lining up in droves to do your bidding. Neither does being kind mean that you should become a doormat and let people walk all over you. However, being kind does dramatically increase the likelihood that an interaction you have with someone else will turn out positively. Additionally, showing kindness shows that you respect the other person, and they in turn are much more likely to show you respect. Simply put, being kind to other people significantly improves your relationships with them, whether it is a friend, colleague, or even someone you just met. Since being kind is so simple, yet reaps such tremendous rewards, why don’t more people follow this golden rule?

While I don’t have the space or the time to go into the answer to this question right now, I will say that implementing just this one habit in your life will help you improve your state as well as your personal relationships.

If you think my previous example was too simplistic, and you’re still not convinced, let me put it to you in this way: which of the following situations do you think would be more likely to turn out positively for you and for the other person, if you employ kindness rather than manipulation, threats, aggression, or any of the other negative and destructive behaviors that are common in our society?

• A meeting between you and a manufacturer, discussing some quality assurance issues
• A negotiation about a large financial transaction between you and another company
• A discussion between you and your spouse about the household finances
• An attempt to approach your friend about an argument or disagreement you had

If you answered “all of the above,” you’re absolutely right. Each and every single one of these situations would turn out more favorably for you if you treated the other person with kindness and respect.

If you take a moment to think about it, all of the situations above would work out favorably for you and for the other person or people. Whether it is a business relationship with a colleague or client, a personal relationship with a spouse, family member or friend, or an interaction with a cashier, taxi driver, or government employee, being kind to them will go a long way toward ensuring that they are kind to you and that your interaction with them turns out the way you want it to.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that you should be so nice as to let people take advantage of you (believe it or not, there is such a thing as being too kind). In life, a win-win situation is most optimal, and quite frankly, the only thing worth aiming for in any sort of interaction. This means that both sides should benefit. Yes, this means that you should benefit too.

In the above-mentioned situations, you should never do anything that would let the other person take advantage of you, control you, treat you with disrespect, or benefit greatly at your expense. This means that while you should be kind to them, respect them and try to put yourself in their shoes, you should also be very clear (at least to yourself) about what your intended objective/purpose is, politely but firmly make your case, and never forget that the best outcome is one that is beneficial to both parties.

These days, educated citizens of developed first-world countries (and even not-so-well-developed third world countries) are using diplomacy to bring about positive results and change. We no longer duel each other to the death after a disagreement; we sit down at a table and talk about it, and hope to bring about a favorable conclusion. We humans have come a long way indeed, and we now are much more likely to use our minds as well as our hearts to solve conflicts, rather than swords or guns, because we know that with the latter, we have no chance of bringing about positive change, but with the former, we give ourselves a chance to turn the interaction into a positive one.

Admittedly, there is still a lot of work to be done to improve relationships between people and especially between nations, but if we look at relationships at their core, we will see that they can definitely be improved if we obtain and implement people skills. And a good way to develop excellent people skills is to treat others with kindness.

What I’ve hoped to do with this entry is not to present a solution for world peace, but to give you a way to very quickly improve your relationships with other people, right from the start of the interaction.

Try what I’ve talked about here and see if being kind doesn’t help turn your next interaction into a positive one, with the outcome you were expecting.

“Why should I help others?” I recently heard someone say. Now, I am sure that may come across as a rather cold and callous statement to some of you. But in order to not take this person’s statement out of context, let me just say that he was under a tremendous mental strain at the time, because he had been going through some really tough times.

This can happen to even the best of us. That is, when we are embroiled in our own personal struggles, we often fail to recognize the plight of others. It then becomes much more difficult to empathize with other people, and going out of our way to help someone else is just about the last thing on our minds, because we are really focused on putting out our own personal fires.

But what I have noticed is that even in times of tranquility, many people don’t really understand why they should help others. From a very young age, we are told that giving aid to others is the right thing to do, but we are seldom given any concrete reasons why it is the right thing to do. It is quite obvious that when we help someone, they benefit from our assistance. But this explanation fails to address a very human sentiment: “What’s in it for me?” That’s precisely what this article is about, because many people haven’t really internalized why they should help other people and have no idea of the benefits it would bring to both themselves and the world.

So the question I’d like to answer today is, why is helping others a good thing? Furthermore, how does it benefit you? Believe it or not, many people are unaware of the many benefits of helping others. So in today’s blog entry, I will explain why helping others can be a huge boon to us, by giving clear and practical reasons.

Before I do that, however, let me share with you a quote from a book I recently re-read, which really inspired me. Rather than paraphrasing, I’ll repeat the words of the philosopher Seneca himself, from a passage in Letters from a Stoic:

“All mankind are stretching out their hands to you on every side. Lives that have been ruined, lives that are on the way to ruin are appealing for some help; it is to you that they look for hope and assistance. They are begging you to extricate them from this awful vortex, to show them in their doubt and disarray the shining torch of truth.”

While it may seem obvious to some of us that we can help ourselves by helping others, it’s all too easy to get caught up in a mindset that says that we live in a dog-eat-dog world, where we must sink or swim, and where we must only look out for ourselves. And while I will admit that it is in our nature as humans to look out for ourselves first (after all, if we don’t, we risk the prospect of annihilation), we may also look out for others, in many cases, at no harm to ourselves.

What I am saying is that in many cases we can help others without losing anything in the process. In fact, we more often than not gain something by assisting someone else. There are three reasons that I can think of immediately how you can help yourself by helping others.

On a very basic level, just think about how you feel after you help someone. Whether it is a neighbor’s child you assist with his or her homework, whether it is a colleague you help move into a new house, or whether it is a homeless person you buy some food for, we genuinely feel good about helping other people. That’s part of being human. We tend to feel better about ourselves when we see that someone else’s life has been improved as a result of something we did for them.

Just the other day, while going up the escalator in a subway station, I saw a woman trying to carry a heavy bag down the stairs by herself with great difficulty. Fortunately, a man quickly came to assist her, and she thanked him profusely. I cannot imagine that the man did not feel better about himself after that. And as we well know, feeling good about oneself adds to one’s quality of life. What did that man lose as a result of helping the woman? He lost absolutely nothing. What did that man gain as a result of helping the woman? He gained her appreciation, he felt better about himself because he assisted her, and he didn’t have to go out of his way at all. He was merely going on the same path as that woman, and decided to aid her along the way. Similarly, you will lose nothing if you decide to help a child with his or her homework, or carry some items for someone who is unable to. And you will feel that someone else has progressed as a result of that act of kindness you performed.

Furthermore, when you help someone else out, you are contributing more goodness to the world. I am not trying to make you believe in karma or trying to inject some new age spiritualism or religion into you. What I am saying is that when you perform good deeds, there is a sort of good will that spreads as a result of those actions. How so? Because when you help someone, they feel good about the fact that they reached a certain goal they had, no matter how trivial it may seem. You feel good about having helped someone reach his or her goal. And thus, in the end, both of you walk away with a sense of accomplishment.

On a larger scale, imagine a city whose inhabitants are the victims of violent crimes or frequent acts of fraud, and where there is a general feeling of danger and distrust. They are, generally speaking, going to be less trusting of other people and are going to be more likely to move through life full of fear, anxiety, and sadness. This kind of environment does not offer as many opportunities for people to feel happy about the content of their daily experience, and in turn leads to a lower quality of life.

Now, imagine a city whose inhabitants are frequently on the receiving end of acts of kindness. Imagine that these people do not have to constantly worry about their own safety, and are confident that their lives will, for the most part, be full of fruitful opportunities and satisfying social interactions. By saying this, I don’t mean to imply that any location is perfect, or that we should try to create a utopia on Earth. There will be problems no matter where one lives, and this is irrespective of one’s race, ethnicity, financial situation, and other such factors. Human beings are not perfect, and we are all bound to make mistakes from time to time. But why shouldn’t we do our best to contribute as much goodness to the lives of our fellow human beings as possible, especially considering that we benefit directly from it? I can’t think of a single person I know who wouldn’t prefer to live in a safer, kinder, and happier world.

Part of the reason that we have so much pain and suffering in the world is because we inflict pain and suffering upon each other. Murder, robbery, assault, and other heinous crimes only add more evil to the world, and in turn destroy opportunities to create a happier, livelier, and more prosperous world. So every time you perform a good deed and assist someone in need, you are contributing to a better world in the process, and are reducing the amount of pain and suffering. And this directly benefits you.

Before we move on to the next point, let me clarify something. By helping others, I don’t mean that you should make sacrifices so great that you harm your own well-being in the process. For example, I am not saying that you should end up penniless because you gave your life savings away to a charitable organization. What I’m talking about is acts of kindness, whether of the random variety or not. I am talking about doing small, simple things for other people that don’t even require much effort on your part. These “small” deeds combined create a tremendous amount of goodness in the world. If everyone focused on performing a few good deeds every week, how much better would the world be?

Even the most cynical person will have to admit that helping others brings us great benefits. If nothing else, when you aid someone, they often feel obligated to return the favor at some point. While it is not guaranteed that they will do something nice for you, more often than not, they feel like they must do something good in return, since they have been helped.

Therefore, when you help someone else, they may very well return the favor to you at some point in the future. Even a stranger that you assist may become a very valuable person to you in the future. There are countless examples of someone befriending a person that they helped, and vice versa.

So, this week, why not set a goal for yourself of helping one person per day? That’s seven people in seven days. Don’t worry about whether the assistance you give seems big or small, just focus on helping that person. Give your seat on the train to an elderly person. Help your neighbor water his plants. Make a little bit more food than usual for dinner and give the rest to someone else. Donate an old jacket that you don’t need anymore to a homeless person. Volunteer at an orphanage on a Saturday morning. The possibilities are endless. And one thing is for sure – as you start performing these acts of kindness, you will see your quality of life improve in a way you never thought was possible.

And, after you help a person, no matter how small the assistance is, say to yourself, “Today I helped someone and felt good about it.” Indeed, if we had a world full of people who were ready and willing to perform just one kind act every day, we would have a much better world, and would leave behind a wonderful legacy for our children and for future generations to come.

 

Today’s blog entry was inspired by someone who asked me something to the effect of, “How do I increase the opportunities available to me, in all aspects of my life?”

My answer was shockingly simple. In fact, it was so simple that I wondered if it would be a good enough answer for him.

I told him, “To have more opportunities in your life, you have to choose to have more opportunities.”

It is my belief that for most people, life is about choice. Now, I am not talking about young children in the middle of a war zone or someone who has a catastrophic illness that will end his/her life soon (though even some of these people could learn to choose how they interpreted their respective situations).

Who I am talking about is adults like us, who live in developed countries, who are not dodging bullets or bombs on a daily basis, and who are not struggling to get food in the morning.

For most of us, life could be so much better – if we simply made the choice to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life, rather than go down a path because someone else is doing it, or because we were taught to approach life in a certain way.

And the choice to live a better life is one you’ll have to make before you can actually get started on living a better life.

It all starts with a choice, and then an action. First, you choose to do something, and then you do it.

But when you make a choice to do something, you have to be really careful and make sure you fill your mind, spirit, and environment only with positive things, because too many people out there are negative or toxic, and this in turn negatively affects their quality and enjoyment of life.

Whatever you fill your mind and spirit with, that’s what you’re going to get in return.

So fill yourself only with goodness, love, and kindness, and then go out and do everything that you want to do in life.

If you think something is difficult, well, it most likely will be! Similarly, if you really believe it’s easy, you will find ways to get it done, even if it isn’t that easy!

In today’s society, we are always looking for that “magic pill” and don’t want to make any effort to build something great. One example is people thinking that work has to always be enjoyable, and in turn seeking the “perfect” job, the one that will finally make them happy or fulfilled in their professional lives – this is a surefire recipe for disaster in terms of happiness and fulfillment.

The truth is that I don’t love every single second of my work, and it certainly has its difficulties, but overall, I really enjoy it. But that’s because of the attitude I take toward what I am doing. I choose to accept that work is not going to be enjoyable 100 percent of the time, but that I’m working toward something great, and enjoying the process, even if it isn’t perfect.

Even if you don’t love your job, you can still learn to enjoy certain aspects of it. I don’t think there’s any job out there that’s 100 percent bad. Even a garbageman could learn to make his job enjoyable (check out the classic book Flow to see what I’m talking about here).

Work, however, is only one part of life, and the key here is to choose to improve all facets of our lives. One method I have found for making sure I am on the path toward improving my life is this: before I go to bed every night, I look back at that day and go over what I did, and make sure it was productive and that I did my best to finish everything I needed to.

If you can say that you did your best to accomplish all that you needed to that day, then it was successful.

You have to ask yourself every day whether you are doing the things you really want to be doing, the things that contribute to your goals and your vision. And if you’re not doing the things you want to be doing, you have to ask yourself very candidly, “Why not?” And you’d better have an answer for that “Why not” question!

Otherwise, life just slips into a meaningless routine of going to work, coming home, and eating dinner, only to repeat the same thing the next day, without much exuberance or enthusiasm. And then one ends up doing laundry over the weekend and maybe meeting friends for a drink or two and in turn, ends up like the many unfulfilled people who say, “Yes, I guess that’s life.”

This is the reality for most people on Earth.

But it does not have to be!

Let’s not squander the many gifts we have to offer the world, and to ourselves. Let’s not let a select few enjoy the fine things that the Earth has to offer. Let’s dip into this cornucopia of wonder ourselves!

It’s there for the taking…what will you do?

Here it is on…on a golden platter. You just have to take it. It’s been given to you as a gift, for FREE.

What will you do? Will you take it?

Or will you continuously make excuses for yourself, and continue the same meaningless drudgery that will certainly doom you to a zombie-like, monotonous, unfulfilled existence?

Why not enjoy what the Earth has to offer? This means all the good, all the fun, all the excitement, all the adventure, and all the pleasure, while traveling the world, dating a beautiful woman (or a handsome man), experiencing new things, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and ultimately living life to its fullest and not having regrets.

What’s it going to be?

I can hear some people out there saying, “Well, not everyone has a choice all the time. We have to pay bills, pay rent, and sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.”

But this blog entry is not about being reckless or irresponsible and avoiding reality. Indeed, we do have to pay bills and pay rent. And we sometimes have to do things we are not crazy about.

But my point is this: most people don’t come anywhere close to even trying to take their lives into their own hands, and instead get swept away like a log falling into a river.

I’ll tell you about someone who really had very little choice during a certain part of his life: Viktor Frankl, who was one of the more famous Holocaust survivors.

I will admit that Viktor Frankl had no choice when he was sent off to Auschwitz.

But we have a choice. We are not stuck in some concentration camp, although many people live life like they are!

Do I have your participation? Will you join me in the quest to enjoy all the good that the Earth has to offer?

Will you join me in the quest to eliminate excuses and hold ourselves accountable for our actions, and in turn eliminate inaction?

Will you join me in saying YES to the wonderful gifts that are given to us every day?

Will you join me in saying NO to drudgery, inaction, and monotony?

Try it for yourself today. Make a conscious choice to do something you have wanted to do, no matter how small it may seem. And after you have accomplished it, you will begin to know that life is about choice.

1. Catch yourself making the excuse when it happens.
2. Reframe the excuse and either state clearly or write down why it is not true.
3. Prescribe a course of action that will eliminate the excuse for good and set you on your way to success.

Do you know what ONE character trait nearly all very successful people have in common?

You most likely already know…when we look at really successful people, we almost always see a strong sense of confidence within them.

So how can one develop a strong sense of confidence within him or herself, especially if one hasn’t had the kind of “success” that seems to be requisite for having true confidence?

Building true confidence comes from a really foundational change within yourself. Not by changing everything about yourself, but by adopting a few core, key beliefs that will comprise the foundation of your spiritual and mental “castle.”

So here is the foundation that I base absolutely everything on, when it comes to building and keeping true confidence.

Do you really want to know what it is?

It’s so simple that it’s almost embarrassing…

You have to love yourself. Absolutely. 100 percent. In everything you do. In everything you say. There can’t be any room for not loving everything about yourself. Whether it’s the way you walk to your car in the morning, whether it’s the things you say to the cashier at the local supermarket, whether it’s the way you sit down on the sofa to read a book, you have to love every inch of yourself. Notice how I didn’t talk about accomplishments in this paragraph, but rather, normal, everyday things.

That’s because contrary to public opinion, confidence doesn’t come from accomplishments. I always chuckle when I hear someone say, “I got really confident after I scored that goal/got that promotion at work/met that beautiful girl, etc.” What he had was not confidence, but a short feeling of elation after accomplishing a goal he had, which is nice. But that’s not long-lasting. It’s temporary. And that’s not what we are looking for. What we are looking for is long-lasting confidence.

Confidence that comes from externals is fleeting, insecure, and ego-driven. We all know this to be true, because what happens when that same person has a bad experience later? He feels down and depressed.

He has to have that confidence before he even gets on the pitch to play a game, whether he meets five beautiful women or none, and whether he gets a promotion or not. He has to have that confidence even before he wakes up in the morning and whether he is a professional hockey player or just on the high school team. His confidence is not related to results. His confidence is related to himself.

Externals can never bring true, lasting confidence, because confidence is not something that can come from the outside, from other people or outside forces.

This is probably the most difficult, yet most crucial thing to teach when it comes to confidence – that the belief comes first, not the accomplishments!

To build this kind of solid confidence, here are three points I’d like you to focus on:

1. You have to love yourself regardless of what may have happened in the past, or how you viewed yourself in the past.

2. You have to love yourself whether you have had that so-called “success” in your life so far, or not.

3. You have to love yourself regardless of the way things seem to be right now, because you can change nearly anything you want.

Really take a few moments and think about these three points. After you’ve spent some time considering these points, please read on.

Now, I will go over each one of these points in more detail.

With regard to point #1, many people really believe that their past makes them who they are today – which is not completely true.

While what happened in the past can contribute to the development of a human being, one’s PRESENT is what makes one who he/she is TODAY. The way you feel about yourself today, the way you view yourself today, and the way you interpret the world around you today, all contribute greatly to who you are today. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus pointed out thousands of years ago that things are always in “flux,” things are always changing. You are not the same person you were even last night.

Don’t be concerned with what happened in the past, and I know it is easy for me to sit here and tell you that, but, believe me…you’ve no time for fretting about the past. You can only live right now.

Every moment spent thinking about the past takes away an opportunity to enjoy the present. You can only experience the present moment. All the rest is either a memory or has not yet come.

Now, point #2…this one is a bit tougher, and probably took me the most time to conquer and bury.

We live in a society where “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking prevail.

I mean, it’s either you get that result or you don’t get that result.

This is a disastrous way of looking at things. No wonder people are depressed, because their identity and self worth are tied to things outside of themselves!

That’s pretty ridiculous, if you ask me. They like themselves based on a reaction or result they get from a particular situation!

The truth is, you must love yourself regardless of what people think about you, regardless of whether you are a high-profile lawyer or a janitor, and regardless of whether you have $1,000,000 in the bank or $100 in the bank.

You might say, “Yes, but getting good results is what determines whether I’m successful in life!”

I’d reply to that, “You’re successful with or without those so-called results. What is ‘successful’? It’s a word, a title you put on yourself. Only that. Nothing more. It’s created by you. Success is only what you determine it to be.”

One of the biggest determinants of whether you will succeed in life is how much you love yourself. Related to this is how little you need results in order to make yourself happy, which is of course also very important.

Finally, point #3. Did you know that…you have no problems?

Wow…how rude of me to say that, to claim that someone else has no problems! How can I claim to know that?

Here’s why…RIGHT NOW, at this very moment, you have no problems. You are healthy, right now. You are alive, right now. You have food to eat, right now. You have clothes to wear, right now. You have shelter, a roof over your head, right now.

What is lacking?

Nothing.

What you need is a full realization that you can do the things you are passionate about in life, if you really dedicate yourself to them.

You have to really look at what you want out of life.

What do you want to do? It’s your choice. In a few years, you and I will be no more, on this physical plane, on this planet Earth. Of course we might exist in other forms, perhaps be in another place.

But not in this same place, on this same Earth, in this same body, at this same time.

You’re here for a reason…that is to fulfill your purpose and enjoy the good things this physical Earth has to offer, while fully manifesting the spiritual, undying, powerful side of yourself to bring about positive, lasting change in yourself and in others.

Take a look outside. Take a look at the way the trees sway, the way the sky is blue. It’s all there for a reason. So are you.

Why not start today building the kind of life you want?

You want to work your way up in the company you’re in now? Go for it!

You want to sail a boat around the cape of South Africa? You do that!

You want to go live somewhere exotic? You can do it if you believe you can!

After you’ve applied the three points I mentioned earlier, and really integrated them within yourself, you will not only feel more confident, you will most definitely BE more confident. And that’s what we are looking for here, a true, lasting confidence.

I can tell you from personal experience, and by observing countless other successful people, that this is possible and within your grasp. You need only claim what is rightfully yours – lasting, powerful confidence can be a part of you right now if you choose it to be!

 

Without wishing to oversimplify the topic, today I shall briefly talk about some strategies I have used to eliminate fears from my life, as well as get rid of negative feelings I had.

I decided to write about some techniques for dealing with these issues, because I started finding that everyone I talked to, be it friends, family, or even strangers, were going through, on some level, exactly what I am writing about now.

One important point to discuss right away is coming to terms with these things that are bothering you and being AWARE of the fact that they are there, and not trying to deny or ignore them.

It is like aikido – don’t deny, but rather, deflect. Take that negative force and send it flying! Out of the room, out of your mind, and out of your life!

Once you become aware of it and unearth it, it loses its power tremendously, because darkness cannot survive in the light.

However, I don’t believe in digging up stuff about your past, because I think that for the most part it is entirely irrelevant and a drain on your valuable mental resources, which could be better used to live NOW.

Many people erroneously think that their past defines them – it doesn’t define them at all.

Many people also usually blame their parents for their current problems. They blame their parents for being overprotective, not teaching them how to take risks, not spending time with them, and a myriad of other things.

Here is a controversial statement…are you ready???

That’s all rubbish. You can choose RIGHT NOW how you want to be!

Your parents, my parents, and everyone else’s parents did the best possible job they could, given the resources, knowledge and life experiences they had at the time.

The past just happened, and whether your perception of it was “bad” or “good,” some remnants try to drag you down.

Why? It’s literally all in your head.

It’s your ego. You see, the ego thrives on pain, discomfort, and depression, because these things give it the strength to survive.

Have you ever noticed that every enlightened or happy person you have met has few ego problems?

How do you let go of these painful memories or thoughts? Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, answers it very clearly - by dropping them. “How do you drop a piece of hot coal that you are holding in your hand?”

It sounds simplistic, but it’s really profound.

I used to have so many of these negative feelings over and over again, sometimes almost every day.

For years I battled with depression and I had thoughts that I would never become self-employed, never be able to travel the world, never be able to date beautiful girls, and that I would be poor.

Well, I now work for myself, I have traveled extensively so far, and I have dated beautiful girls. And I am most certainly not poor. So much for those petty thoughts!

These thoughts often come about because of erroneous beliefs and deep-seated fears you may have. There are a few excellent ways to deal with these kinds of thoughts and fears.

Many times negative thoughts and fears disintegrate when you shine a light on them and become aware of them, then prove to yourself why they are not true. Sometimes they also disintegrate when you indulge them. Here are some examples of what I am talking about:

Fear: “I’ll be poor.”

Solution: OK, so what? Then what? So I’ll be poor at 29…ha! I have 50 years to earn that money back! I’m enjoying my life, because it’s a wonderful process. I’ll never be poor, because I have what every single person on this Earth wants – happiness and enlightenment. Who chooses whether I believe I am poor or rich – I do!

Fear: “I’ll never be able to travel. I’ll always be stuck in my little town.”

Solution: Oh really? Well, when I was a kid, traveling meant crossing the street to go to the local supermarket; THAT was exciting for me. Now I can just jump on a plane and go anywhere in the world I want! Who chooses whether I travel – I do!

Fear: “I’ll never be self-employed.”

Solution: That’s funny…the last time I checked, I was! Who chooses whether I am self-employed – I do!

And your past is just that – passed! Send it packing! It does not, cannot, and will not ever define you.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said: “Lameness in your leg may affect your ability to walk, but never your ability to choose.”

You essentially have three choices when you face any given situation:

1. Accept it, and do nothing.

2. Accept it, and then change it.

3. Accept it, and get out of there.

Most people think they choose number one; which is, that they stay in the same situation and do nothing about it. But in reality, they don’t really accept it, which causes great inner conflict.

Whatever you do in a given situation, you must first accept that it is happening. Only then will you have the strength to make positive changes.

I don’t mean to belittle anyone or their problems here…but really, sometimes you just have to say to yourself, “I am whoever I want to be. I can set myself up to live the kind of life I want, and I can start doing that right now!”

You are a super being that has enormous powers, many of which you are probably not even aware of at the moment. But when you become cognizant of this, your ego is threatened, and tries to throw out warning signs.

“Oh wait, you can’t do that! Who says you can work for yourself? Who says you can become a great martial artist? You’ll never be successful…”

Just smile at those thoughts.

Here’s something I told one of my friends recently. He was battling with depressive thoughts and just needed to be reminded of what an excellent person he is.

“Do you really believe that you have an interesting career, are living in a megalopolis like Tokyo, have made good friends, have become so successful with women, have a great relationship with a sweet girl who loves you dearly, are a fantastic martial artist, and are paving a path to financial and spiritual enlightenment, by COINCIDENCE? Is that how a ‘country bumpkin’ lives? I think not. I know not!”

The past means exactly this – NOTHING.

You can conquer absolutely everything, because you are a whole lot more than just a few past experiences, memories, and thoughts. YOU ARE A SUPER BEING!

For years, I used to battle with depression. But I don’t have depression anymore…not because I took a magic pill and eliminated it, but because I accepted it, and became aware of it. Then, I didn’t fight the depression, but just threw a light on it and learned some strategies and techniques that helped me eliminate it.

I smile at it every time it threatens to come back. And it’s eliminated almost immediately.

How do you smile at a little child who is running around at your feet, trying to snatch the ball you have taken away from him?

Have some fun…

And remember, YOU ARE A SUPER BEING, not a pile of random thoughts and images!

 

Today I will discuss how staying true to your purpose will not only make your life a lot better, but will also make the world a lot better place to live in.

We are led to believe by some people out there that following our true purpose is “selfish,” and that we should just be “realistic” and “get a job.”

As a result, most people don’t follow their true purpose, and deny themselves and the world the opportunity to benefit from the many gifts they have.

First, let me describe a scenario for you…

Let’s take three different people: a homeless man, a schoolteacher, and the CEO of a large corporation.

The end for each one of these people, at least in this life, will be the same: when they die, they will be unable to take any of their accomplishments, money or possessions with them.

Now, regardless of your religious background or beliefs about the existence or lack of an afterlife, the fact remains that you will be unable to take those things with you, whether you believe that one ends up under the ground, in another body, or in another universe.

The existence or lack of an afterlife is no reason to throw away your current life.

It doesn’t make any sense to spend even one day doing what you don’t want to, if you don’t have to. Today we live in a society where most of us have no trouble getting enough food to eat, putting a roof over our heads, and finding plenty of leisure time to do what we love.

We really have nothing to lose, and we’re slowly understanding that. Whether or not we listen to other people and just “get a job,” take off and try to become rock stars, or start our own businesses, the end result is the same, at least in this life. So why not enjoy these moments that you can’t ever get back?

Some people tell us to not take risks and to not do what we love, because they live in fear and have an attitude of scarcity. Here are some arguments they give, along with my rebuttals:

“But you won’t have any money when you’re old! You’ll have to beg on the streets!” (Thanks for your concern, but I’ve got it handled. I have never had any problems making enough money, and I’ve never had to beg for money either. Money comes into my life because I follow my vision and stay true to my purpose.)

“You won’t be able to have a good quality of life if you take risks now and run off and try to become a rock star or start your own company. It’s just too risky!” (Whether I become a rock star or a businessman is not the issue. The issue here is that I am staying true to my core purpose, and am giving myself the opportunity to be the best person I can be, and enjoying life in the process. Even if I don’t become a rock star, I’ll have some fantastic adventures to talk about. As long as I stay on the path of my true purpose, I shall be enlightened and happy.)

“All of your friends went to college, got a secure job in an office, are working all day and are making good money. That’s how life is.” (That’s great, if they enjoy what they are doing. But if not, I would give them this piece of advice: Instead of enduring a two-hour commute to go to an office and work 12 hours a day in a job you hate, just so you can perform the same routine the next day, you should be doing something you love, enjoying life with friends, family, and loved ones, and giving something extraordinary back to the world.)

“Life is not about having fun, it’s about being responsible and getting a job and doing what everyone else does.” (So you want me to give up and not believe in myself, do a job I hate and sell my life, soul, and happiness away, so that you can feel good because I am miserable just like you? I have another idea…how about you quit your job, just like I did, and join me in developing ourselves into enlightened human beings, enjoying all the best things the abundant world has to offer, and in turn giving the world our gifts?)

The bottom line is that no one has any idea how long they will live.

Maybe my last day on this planet is tomorrow. But you can be sure if I do go out tomorrow, at least right now I’m doing what I love and I won’t have any regrets. Don’t get me wrong – I am not saying we shouldn’t ever get a job, or that we should all become anarchists or become completely disconnected from society. I think working a job is a great experience – provided you enjoy it and are able to contribute to something you are passionate about.

But let’s move on to another point here…why stick to one’s true purpose at all?

Because the reason we have such fantastic technology, music, art, medical care, standard of living, and just about everything else that is good in this world, is a result of someone or some people sticking to their purpose and not following what everyone else did. And more importantly, not letting fear hold them back from what they were passionate about.

We have wonderful music and art that inspires us right down to our souls, because of people like Johann Sebastian Bach, Michelangelo, and The Beatles. Indeed, works such as “Toccata and Fugue in D Minor”, David, and “All You Need Is Love” continue to inspire people to this very day.

Thomas Edison battled health problems as a child, got fired from his job at Western Union at the age of 19, and failed numerous times in his professional career. However, he continued with his passion, and as a result, he became one of the most prolific inventors the world has ever known. His inventions, such as the light bulb, have made life easier for billions of people.

Louis Pasteur endured a poor childhood, and then the death of three of his young children. However, he never gave up, and his research brought about tremendous breakthroughs in the causes and prevention of diseases. He created the first vaccine for rabies, as well as the process of pasteurization. Prior to Pasteur’s research, few doctors washed their hands or equipment before performing surgery. I would imagine that millions of lives have been saved due to the efforts of Pasteur.

There are countless examples of people who did what they were passionate about in life, and not only became successful at what they loved doing, but also helped and inspired many people along the way.

You can do just the same. The world wants to receive the gifts of your brilliance. I don’t know you, but I am absolutely sure that the world could benefit greatly from your vision and your ideas.

The time to take action is NOW, not when one has retired and realizes that he played it safe and never got anywhere and never had any experiences to talk about.

The time to live is NOW.

Right now.

Don’t wait another day to start living life according to your true purpose. The world needs people like you, to help it advance and to improve life not only for yourself, but for others as well.

We essentially have two choices when it comes to our careers and lives:

1. Live life to its fullest and have lots of great adventures and memories to talk about and reflect on later in life.

2. Don’t live life to its fullest, don’t take any risks, do what everyone else does, and have lots of regrets later in life.

I chose number one.

Which do you choose?

 

First of all, thank you for visiting my blog.

Before we start, I’d like to explain what I mean by the term “Super State.”

“State” is often referred to as a condition of mind, or being. In this blog, I will share with you some techniques and strategies that have helped me eliminate unnecessary fears, worries, depression, negative thoughts or actions, and live a life of excitement, joy, and fulfillment.

Today we are blessed with more technological advances, modern conveniences, and career/job prospects than ever before.

But it seems that one question our modern society has not been able to effectively answer is, “How can one live a rewarding and happy life?”

This blog’s main purpose, then, is to discuss how one can use simple mental and spiritual processes to help create the kind of life he or she wants to live, and get rid of negative or ineffective thoughts, actions and states…hence the name, “Super State.”

Essentially, this is a self-help and personal development blog, which I have created to help those who want to live life to its fullest and experience things many only dream of, whether in their personal life, career, or relationships.

If used correctly, and responsibly, what I am about to share with you will increase your enjoyment of life to a degree which you may not have thought was possible.

However, this is not easy work! It will take a lot of effort, and a willingness to change your thinking. Being flexible is very important, because what you are going to find is that the more you accept yourself and the changes that will take place inside of you, the more you will be able to create a reality that you are comfortable with!

The mind…this world…modern society…and reality, are all malleable. If you believe what I have just said, then please join me on the quest to actualize ourselves and improve our lives and the lives of those around us. And even if you don’t believe, I invite you to join me, even if only for a moment, to see if you could indeed make your life better than it is now and help yourself do all the things you always wanted to do but never thought were possible.

One thing to keep in mind is, my ideas, techniques, and strategies are natural, empathetic, non-dogmatic, and holistic.

And there is nothing that would make me happier than to see that I am helping others create the kind of reality and life they always wanted, and in the process learning from others how best to improve my own life.

I shall occasionally be adding entries to this blog, and I invite you to subscribe to it and pass it on to your friends, family, co-workers, and anyone else who you think may benefit. Also, I would appreciate hearing your comments and/or questions.

Thank you, and now…toward Super State!